I wanted you so much
I started making things up
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FICTION | Light of The World – Sue Beardon
How she longs for the asteroid to come, to show them how little they controlled anything.
essays | fiction | poetry | photography | art
I wanted you so much
I started making things up
He studies me for a second before facing the road again, his jaw set. My breath is caught in my throat. I clear it, arranging my thoughts. It was just an outburst, a loss of patience: I am safe.
“We can’t take it all,” her brother had said, tossing memories in a bin bag like kittens for drowning.
Bright rays reflect, shape, shake her portrait on the water skin
and it’s broken, burnt, soon gone.
Get some hens
dig up the garden
sow and plant.
From the yew-dark wool you pulled
over my eyeball,
knit one, maul one,
you made a beam
But Jesus never saved the birds. A bird
has never sinned. They have no need for grace,
salvation, guilt, contrition, holy words,
I walk along the beach; I find a bad thing so beautiful
That now it’s a good thing
But Krakow, why am I in Krakow looking for size eight shoes
following a strolling man with a hand-shaped dent in his hat?
sharp as a thorn.
I held on
to whatever
it had been
at the start of existence,
a stem cell
Time’s gone weird, hasn’t it? Hasn’t time gone weird? I’m really struggling with it at the moment. I don’t know what day it is. I’m not sure whether it’s day. It’s 2023 next year. It’s still March 2020. It’s the dead zone between Christmas and New Year. It’s been Wednesday for months. I’ll be dead…
I am a maze of swinging doors.
Catch me, I’ll fall. Feel my ink.
Lost in the torn pelt of my wounds,
I’ve dabbled in sores and spirits.